Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Truth vs Happiness
I have been thinking more and more about truth vs happiness. Often times the two go against each other. Is the truth worth shattering someones happiness? Is happiness worth turning a blind eye to the truth? Sometimes these things can go hand in hand... but specifically when they dont... which is the higher card?
Saturday, February 21, 2009
dream
I dreamed about Allyson last night. I havent thought about her in a long time. In my dream she was throwing things away. I asked her what she was throwing away, I dont remember what she said. It was a weird dream, I felt like I was floating the whole time, and I think we were outside of a wallgreens, maybe a wallmart? I miss her. I miss being her friend, I miss being her confedant, I miss being with her. But these things happen. Life goes on. Well... time to get to study group.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Warning! Emo Blog Incoming!
[emo] Damnit... why do I have to always be the nice guy? I could have just told her that her boyfriend is an inconsiderate piece of shit, I could have told her to dump him and be with someone who treats her like she should be treated. But no... Im the nice guy... instead I gave her tips on how to talk to him, I told her to stick with him, I told her that she shouldnt give up what is for what could be... and I guess things are better for them, she is happy... and just like the typical nice guy Im here just feeling like I missed the bus again. I cant help looking her in the eyes and wishing I could be closer, I cant help wishing that I could embrace her with more than a friend hug. But that is the nature of being the nice guy... always the friend, rarely more. I can keep telling myself one day... and the girl who gets to be with me will be very lucky... but that doesnt curb the lonliness, it doesnt give me someone to hold...
[/emo]
[/emo]
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Ode to my family
11:14:21 PM Shosha: tell me something about yourself that I don't know... I always tell you lots of things and you don't...
11:14:58 PM David Sherman: something about myself? hmm...
11:15:41 PM David Sherman: i ever tell you i grew up in a private school?
11:16:05 PM Shosha: with the mean rich kids?
11:16:10 PM David Sherman: yup
11:18:04 PM David Sherman: hmm I ever tell you I have my biological parents but I have other pseudo adopted parents that actually did more to raise me?
11:18:20 PM Shosha: no
11:20:27 PM David Sherman: ok, so i grew up in a more or less emotionally bankrupt home. My parents never did much for me as far as raising me went. They are the type that believe in negative reinforcement and a little stress is good for kids. Unfortunately they also never knew where to draw the line for themselves
11:20:59 PM David Sherman: I think they kind of expected the private school to raise us
11:21:08 PM David Sherman: and it did for a while
11:22:57 PM David Sherman: coming from that home and that school all three of us (myself and my two sisters) were really fucked up angry kids with no idea how to deal with things in a healthy way. Because of that we all had similar issues in life learning to trust people, and mostly learning to deal with disappointment
11:23:51 PM David Sherman: phone call
11:31:47 PM David Sherman: back
11:33:22 PM David Sherman: so as for me, I ended up meeting various people that were father figures for me. I had a teacher in high school that was kind of a father figure for me. Several of the people I worked with at PPS taught me a lot about how to get along in life. I count myself very blessed actually. If not for them Id still be an angry high school kid.
11:33:47 PM David Sherman: I will probably end up having my girlfriend meet them before my real parents
11:35:04 PM Shosha: that's cool... I kinda had to deal with everything myself... well... I thought I did... still kinda do... I always have myself... there's no one else that will always be there you know?
11:35:21 PM David Sherman: thats true to some extent
11:36:03 PM David Sherman: I know that one day my "fathers" will die and they wont be there, but I also know that until then they are there for me for anything I need to deal with.
11:36:25 PM Shosha: how did you get so close with them?
11:37:45 PM David Sherman: Im the type of person that attracts close relationships. My band of brothers in airsoft, my "brothers" outside of them, even my adopted parents. I think I just naturally attract these kinds of people.
11:38:49 PM David Sherman: They might pick up on the amount of respect I have for them, maybe its just us going through shit together. I dont really know. But I know that while we draw breath we are there for each other.
11:39:26 PM Shosha: I never had anyone like that...
11:39:44 PM David Sherman: even you admitted that some how after only a few months you think of me as a friend as close as those in israel
11:40:52 PM David Sherman: that unfortunately can also scare people that arent ready to accept that there are people like that out there.
11:41:10 PM David Sherman: I had a really good friend I met last february
11:42:15 PM David Sherman: we got pretty close quickly. Trouble was, this person tended to go through friends like fashion. New friends every season kind of thing. When I was still a close friend into the summer she kind of freaked out and kicked me out of her life
11:42:53 PM Shosha: that's too bad...
11:43:39 PM David Sherman: I still think about her sometimes, but all in all I have admit she just isnt the type to keep friends and is still really foolish at heart
11:46:12 PM Shosha: I still can't get over moving away from my old friends... I afraid of making new ones...
11:46:45 PM David Sherman: any action made is fear is the wrong action... that applies to lack of action as well.
11:47:32 PM David Sherman: made in*
11:49:22 PM Shosha: I guess I just don't even know how I can possibly make friends like that again...
11:49:37 PM Shosha: fuck I'm really tired and I want to go to sleep
11:49:59 PM David Sherman: should I let you sleep? we can talk about this another time
11:50:13 PM Shosha: yeah... I really want to sleep...
11:50:25 PM David Sherman: ok, get some rest
11:50:31 PM Shosha: goodnight
11:50:38 PM David Sherman: good night
Here's to my brothers, my fathers and all other forms of people who have given me the life experiences that have made me who I am today. You all mean the most to me.
11:14:58 PM David Sherman: something about myself? hmm...
11:15:41 PM David Sherman: i ever tell you i grew up in a private school?
11:16:05 PM Shosha: with the mean rich kids?
11:16:10 PM David Sherman: yup
11:18:04 PM David Sherman: hmm I ever tell you I have my biological parents but I have other pseudo adopted parents that actually did more to raise me?
11:18:20 PM Shosha: no
11:20:27 PM David Sherman: ok, so i grew up in a more or less emotionally bankrupt home. My parents never did much for me as far as raising me went. They are the type that believe in negative reinforcement and a little stress is good for kids. Unfortunately they also never knew where to draw the line for themselves
11:20:59 PM David Sherman: I think they kind of expected the private school to raise us
11:21:08 PM David Sherman: and it did for a while
11:22:57 PM David Sherman: coming from that home and that school all three of us (myself and my two sisters) were really fucked up angry kids with no idea how to deal with things in a healthy way. Because of that we all had similar issues in life learning to trust people, and mostly learning to deal with disappointment
11:23:51 PM David Sherman: phone call
11:31:47 PM David Sherman: back
11:33:22 PM David Sherman: so as for me, I ended up meeting various people that were father figures for me. I had a teacher in high school that was kind of a father figure for me. Several of the people I worked with at PPS taught me a lot about how to get along in life. I count myself very blessed actually. If not for them Id still be an angry high school kid.
11:33:47 PM David Sherman: I will probably end up having my girlfriend meet them before my real parents
11:35:04 PM Shosha: that's cool... I kinda had to deal with everything myself... well... I thought I did... still kinda do... I always have myself... there's no one else that will always be there you know?
11:35:21 PM David Sherman: thats true to some extent
11:36:03 PM David Sherman: I know that one day my "fathers" will die and they wont be there, but I also know that until then they are there for me for anything I need to deal with.
11:36:25 PM Shosha: how did you get so close with them?
11:37:45 PM David Sherman: Im the type of person that attracts close relationships. My band of brothers in airsoft, my "brothers" outside of them, even my adopted parents. I think I just naturally attract these kinds of people.
11:38:49 PM David Sherman: They might pick up on the amount of respect I have for them, maybe its just us going through shit together. I dont really know. But I know that while we draw breath we are there for each other.
11:39:26 PM Shosha: I never had anyone like that...
11:39:44 PM David Sherman: even you admitted that some how after only a few months you think of me as a friend as close as those in israel
11:40:52 PM David Sherman: that unfortunately can also scare people that arent ready to accept that there are people like that out there.
11:41:10 PM David Sherman: I had a really good friend I met last february
11:42:15 PM David Sherman: we got pretty close quickly. Trouble was, this person tended to go through friends like fashion. New friends every season kind of thing. When I was still a close friend into the summer she kind of freaked out and kicked me out of her life
11:42:53 PM Shosha: that's too bad...
11:43:39 PM David Sherman: I still think about her sometimes, but all in all I have admit she just isnt the type to keep friends and is still really foolish at heart
11:46:12 PM Shosha: I still can't get over moving away from my old friends... I afraid of making new ones...
11:46:45 PM David Sherman: any action made is fear is the wrong action... that applies to lack of action as well.
11:47:32 PM David Sherman: made in*
11:49:22 PM Shosha: I guess I just don't even know how I can possibly make friends like that again...
11:49:37 PM Shosha: fuck I'm really tired and I want to go to sleep
11:49:59 PM David Sherman: should I let you sleep? we can talk about this another time
11:50:13 PM Shosha: yeah... I really want to sleep...
11:50:25 PM David Sherman: ok, get some rest
11:50:31 PM Shosha: goodnight
11:50:38 PM David Sherman: good night
Here's to my brothers, my fathers and all other forms of people who have given me the life experiences that have made me who I am today. You all mean the most to me.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Random Ponderings
I could die a happy man if Mr Six and the Blue Man Group toured together and I actually got to see them.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
disassociated
Ugh... I feel really crappy. Ive been sleeping all day. Ive got lots of homework to do and work to fit in too. Lately Ive felt like Im constantly under some kind of pressure. Im just trying not to go squish. :(
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Why cant I keep female friends?
David said:
why do we have feelings for each other?
CENSORED said:
because I'm awesome and you're sweet... and mature... and sexy... and I feel good when I'm with you... and other things...?
David said:
...damnit
CENSORED said:
what?
David said:
just damnit
why do we have feelings for each other?
CENSORED said:
because I'm awesome and you're sweet... and mature... and sexy... and I feel good when I'm with you... and other things...?
David said:
...damnit
CENSORED said:
what?
David said:
just damnit
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