2 weeks

Im finally settled down at tam and jenelles. Ive got a lot to do and not a lot of time to do it.
2 weeks until Im finished with this term.
2 weeks to get my student aid figured out.
2 weeks to see if living here works out.
2 weeks to write 4-6 pages of essays.
2 weeks to master my japanese.
2 weeks to get a job
2 weeks.... Its going to be a busy 2 weeks. No time to rest. Got to finish this race.

S.A.D. .. here it comes again

Hello depression my old friend
Here to rear your ugly head again
Please go away, leave me be
I have no time to deal with me

15, 25, 45, 1 hour, 2
Where am I? How long have I been here?
The water has turned backwards from noon to nine.
But by now it feels like six.

The rain is cold and I am naked
But my pruned skin keeps me blanketed
Splish slash making ripples in the bath
Im playing in a stream, falling down the drain
I think its time to get out of this rain.

I opened the door
The cold wind greets me With a slap in the face
Just another day

Day by day I walk along
Waiting for the day Im not alone
Its the holidays be happy!

I am happy
If I say it enough maybe I will believe myself.

This blog is over 500

Wow, 500 profile views. Thanks to all my viewers out there in internet land. Glad someones reading this.

Time to give it the old one two

Alright... chest out, head high, stern upper lip. Now is the time for action. I can not let myself be overcome by the challenge in front of me. Time to push through all of this.

keep moving

Im worried. I dont have a job, I dont have a new place to live. I dont know if I want to live with jordan. Im down to my last $20. I lose internet on the twenty fifth so it will be much harder to find any of those things. To be honest, Im a little scared right now.
I feel like Im deaf dumb and blind. I dont know who to turn to or where to go.
I know things will get better, I just need to keep moving... things will get better.

Rest In Peace, Madison Peterson-Hill Part 3

I thought about Madison's death on the way to the funeral. I found myself thinking about the gross disregard for the sanctity of human life. How could someone do this to another human being? Part of me wanted to get angry... but I didnt. Instead I found myself pitying the murderers. I wept for the loss of such a young man just in the summer of his life.

From the car to the church were marines standing at attention holding American flags. It was difficult to maintain my composure. The funeral itself reminded me of a quaker style wedding, I can only guess their funerals would be in similar taste. They had large groups of people from various times and groups come forward to talk about the memories they shared and what a great person their friend was. How proud he had made them. I knew the stories from the people that knew him in elementary school were semi-embellished and so did they. But I think it was better this way.

The stories and memories of the more recent Madison clearly had no spin. I am glad to know that he was a much better person than I had known. I actually think that had I met him again later in his life we could have been better friends. I was truly amazed by how many peoples lives he had touched. There must have been 350 people there. All of whom had some kind of connection to Madison from some time in his life. I guess its not surprising to meet or know that many people in 22 years, rather what surprised me was that so many cared enough to come to his funeral.

The funeral was not what I had expected. I ended up sitting next to Alex Hernandez and
apparently two other people that knew me back when I was just a toddler. I guess they used to carpool with us. It was strange. I havent been back to that place since I left it behind me at the end of 8th grade. I no longer felt all the spite and malice towards its people. I guess that is a tribute to how far I have come since then.

As I left the funeral I stopped to think about my own life. The people I have known and who would actually come to my own funeral. I think mine would be pretty small in comparison. There would be my family of 10. Mithril would make a showing of at least 4, maybe a few more from the general community. My speaker sean, and the various friends Ive kept over the years would include jordan, brennan, kenny, sam, ben, both matts, john, kyle, linda, jerald, thomas, heather, brandon, josh... maybe some of my more recent friends in Patrick and Shoshana. Thats not too small a number I suppose. Its kind of sick but you can almost accurately measure your pace in life by how many people would come to your funeral. I will have to think about this more later...

Here is to you Madison. May your soul find rest until you are drawn back into life.
Fin

Rest In Peace, Madison Peterson-Hill Part 2

I just found out the details of Madison's death.
Turns out he was in Washington DC with his real father and girlfriend. He decided to go out for a jog. Some people in a car jumped him, beat him up, shot him, stole his wallet and threw him over a freeway over pass where he was hit by a SUV then another small car. They have already used his credit cards.

I will reflect on this later tonight after the funeral.