Damnit Michael Bolton

I cant sleep tonight. It is really important that I get lots of sleep tonight and finish out this week strong, but I just cant seem to drift off. There is too much on my mind I guess. Mostly Michael Bolton songs stuck in my head. I try to push it out of my thoughts but then my thoughts go to guess who. We had a brief exchange on an image posting sight about a time we saw each other. She said she saw someone she thought looked like me, then went to go get coffee.

Heres the part that bothers me. I remember the faces of everyone I went to elementary school with. Hell Ive seen them some 10 years later and still recognized them, and Ive got a bad memory. Peoples faces dont change that much. Which leads me to believe either she was avoiding me or she honestly doesnt remember what my face looks like, which is kind of fucked up because Ive got one hell of a mug.

Its sad when I think about it. We used to be good friends, then one day she just decided she was going to write me off completely. Stopped talking to me. Then much later she came out of the blue and said she was ready to be friends again. I wasnt angry at her at all but I told her if she had beef with me she had better tell me or it wouldnt really resolve anything. We were cool again for a while then she stopped talking to me again. After this happened a second time I got a bit miffed and was distant the last time we hung out. Which I guess was reason enough for her to stop talking to me again. I dont understand her game.

Now I guess she doesnt recognize me anymore. I can rack my brain all night about this and ultimately I just have to say I dont know why. I dont know why she got mad at me the first time because she never told me. I dont know why or how many times she got mad at me again, because she never told me. And now I dont know why she is avoiding me or has actually forgotten my face.. because she doesnt ever tell me why she is upset. Actually now that I think about it.. even if she saw someone that looked like me then that means she does remember what I look like but wasnt interested in seeing if it was me. Which means she's avoiding me.

I guess it ultimately doesnt matter. Because the reality of the situation is that she doesnt tell me anything, wont tell me anything, is apparently avoiding me, which means she isnt interested in engaging me when the situation arises. Maybe she just needs some time away.

Wiki's definition of a friend is this:
Value that is found in friendships is often the result of a friend demonstrating the following on a consistent basis:

• the tendency to desire what is best for the other,
• sympathy and empathy,
• honesty, perhaps in situations where it may be difficult for others to speak the truth, especially in terms of pointing out the perceived faults of one's counterpart
• mutual understanding.

I have always desired what is best for her, I always tried to give her good advice and wish her the best even when I had my heart broken, but that was ok because I was still a friend to her. I was always empathetic with her situations. I have always been honest with her about everything especially in terms of pointing out the perceived faults of one's counterpart. And I have always tried to maintain mutual understanding with her.

I finally stopped putting any effort into the friendship and just as I foresaw, and I must admit, she offers none of the same. There is no friendship. But I guess I should have expected this from the beginning when I said absolute honesty is key for any relationship even friendships and she said she disagreed and that privacy was more important.

We go through life, learning the lessons. This is one I have learned before but unfortunately this time my dance partner didnt want to learn the steps. Its too bad, she was a great friend once upon a time in a galaxy far far away... maybe if Im lucky there will be a sequel or a prequel one day.

Damnit Michael Bolton... now you are all thats keeping me awake