This morning I went over to my parents house after dropping Briita off at work. I had a long discussion with my dad as to where the world is going, where it is now and how it used to be. We talked about everything from aspirations to gravestones in cemeteries. Mostly we talked about family systems. I cant help but look at my parents and see myself in them. This scares me... I'm living off unemployment, foodstamps, and my girlfriend. My parents are in similar dire straights. They have a government contract, but they cant get the credit to buy the parts for it. They seem to rarely eat and they dont know how they will get around to retireing. Here I am nearly two months later and it feels like this is it. It feels like I might spend forever here looking for work. Yet with school so close no one will hire someone who is going to leave in January. Still, January seems so far away. Somehow I have to make it through this christmas season, I feel so pathetic... Im 23, I am living away from home and I still feel like a kid who cant buy christmas gifts for people. God I hate this...
All this is really reafirming my plans... because I wont live this life... I wont get used to this... I have to finish school because I am still only 23, there is a lot of world to see, and there are venues for me to get there. I just have to keep chasing this bus, I know it will stop for me in two years.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment