I ran into Guy while on campus early. We always have deep philosophical discussions and today that discussion focused on meth and the lives it effects.
This reminded me of little Casey. That poor child growing up with parents who are constantly fucked up on meth. His father is always in and out of jail... I want to go up to his mother, slap her in the face and point her to her children. LOOK AT THEM YOU SON OF A BITCH!
It broke my heart the last time I played catch with Casey. He clearly never did it before, his father doesnt pay attention to his kids. The child was so happy to toss a little foam football around. There was a glee in his eyes that he clearly had never known before. I want to call CSD, but I know that I shouldnt... his mother is pregnant again and taking that child from his parents would be even more psychologically damaging to him and probably push the mother into further drug use during her pregnancy. He deserves a world that would protect him and give him a stable life, but the foster care system is just legal human trafficking, he wouldnt come out any better from it.
I think about how many children like him must exist out there and I feel so angry, I feel so frustrated. I want to save them. But I can not save them alone. Even my plans to go into teaching to help these kids can only go by so quickly. I feel the weight of all these souls on my back and all I can do is tell myself to be patient. Be patient, even while they are slipping away, even while some are being lost to the whirlpool of the world that will engulf them as soon as they are "adults". These children dont deserve the life they were born into, nor the parents that bore them, nor the system that will chew them up and spit them out.
There are those who wonder why I want to teach when I "dont like kids". To be perfectly clear, I dont do well with toddlers, crying and diaper changing. But I know what its like to grow up with a high level of dysfunction. I am one of the lucky ones who recognized those who could teach me the skillsets to deprogram that dysfunction. And my interest in teaching is both the love of history and the passion to do what I see as a way to save lives, not necessarily lives in the sense of life or death but rather life in the sense of ones ability to have a life that is not weighted down by what they were given.
Being patient has become so much harder lately. Ive been reading atlas shrugged, and while I find 90% of its stances totally reprehensible, it has imbued me with the realization and the ability to push past peoples bullshit and get what I want done by simply being a person who does things himself. This makes working with a slow system like getting through school exceptionally frustrating, but without this system I would have no way and little knowledge to offer. I have to focus on building up my own self so that I can have more to offer.
Be patient... even while I cant be there for everyone now, I know that there are others like me who already carry the burden. I will join your ranks soon Atlas' of the world, and we will hold this world together.
No comments:
Post a Comment