| Rank | Rating | Title | Votes |
| 1. | 9.1 | The Shawshank Redemption (1994) | 413,225 |
| 2. | 9.1 | The Godfather (1972) | 344,826 |
| 3. | 9.0 | The Godfather: Part II (1974) | 199,626 |
| 4. | 8.9 | Buono, il brutto, il cattivo., Il (1966) | 121,075 |
| 5. | 8.9 | Pulp Fiction (1994) | 339,956 |
| 6. | 8.9 | The Dark Knight (2008) | 354,743 |
| 7. | 8.8 | Schindler's List (1993) | 225,403 |
| 8. | 8.8 | One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975) | 172,910 |
| 9. | 8.8 | 12 Angry Men (1957) | 87,397 |
| 10. | 8.8 | Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back (1980) | 233,671 |
| 11. | 8.8 | Casablanca (1942) | 142,299 |
| 12. | 8.8 | Star Wars (1977) | 275,509 |
| 13. | 8.8 | Shichinin no samurai (1954) | 80,834 |
| 14. | 8.8 | The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003) | 299,928 |
| 15. | 8.7 | Goodfellas (1990) | 186,737 |
| 16. | 8.7 | Rear Window (1954) | 97,556 |
| 17. | 8.7 | Cidade de Deus (2002) | 128,638 |
| 18. | 8.7 | Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981) | 208,432 |
| 19. | 8.7 | C'era una volta il West (1968) | 57,575 |
| 20. | 8.7 | The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001) | 328,010 |
| 21. | 8.7 | Fight Club (1999) | 308,044 |
| 22. | 8.7 | The Usual Suspects (1995) | 225,371 |
| 23. | 8.7 | Psycho (1960) | 118,184 |
| 24. | 8.6 | The Silence of the Lambs (1991) | 202,835 |
| 25. | 8.6 | Sunset Blvd. (1950) | 43,398 |
| 26. | 8.6 | Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964) | 133,452 |
| 27. | 8.6 | Memento (2000) | 221,819 |
| 28. | 8.6 | North by Northwest (1959) | 77,607 |
| 29. | 8.6 | The Matrix (1999) | 316,241 |
| 30. | 8.6 | Citizen Kane (1941) | 119,427 |
| 31. | 8.6 | It's a Wonderful Life (1946) | 85,873 |
| 32. | 8.6 | The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002) | 273,856 |
| 33. | 8.6 | Se7en (1995) | 225,390 |
| 34. | 8.6 | Léon (1994) | 158,165 |
| 35. | 8.5 | Apocalypse Now (1979) | 145,358 |
| 36. | 8.5 | American Beauty (1999) | 246,178 |
| 37. | 8.5 | Taxi Driver (1976) | 125,667 |
| 38. | 8.5 | Lawrence of Arabia (1962) | 67,406 |
| 39. | 8.5 | American History X (1998) | 179,643 |
| 40. | 8.5 | WALL·E (2008) | 123,439 |
| 41. | 8.5 | Vertigo (1958) | 75,695 |
| 42. | 8.5 | Slumdog Millionaire (2008) | 93,860 |
| 43. | 8.5 | Paths of Glory (1957) | 36,109 |
| 44. | 8.5 | Forrest Gump (1994) | 240,860 |
| 45. | 8.5 | Fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain, Le (2001) | 147,523 |
| 46. | 8.5 | M (1931) | 32,231 |
| 47. | 8.5 | Double Indemnity (1944) | 29,591 |
| 48. | 8.5 | To Kill a Mockingbird (1962) | 69,389 |
| 49. | 8.5 | Alien (1979) | 147,688 |
| 50. | 8.5 | The Departed (2006) | 207,406 |
| 51. | 8.5 | A Clockwork Orange (1971) | 159,393 |
| 52. | 8.5 | The Treasure of the Sierra Madre (1948) | 26,860 |
| 53. | 8.5 | Das Leben der Anderen (2006) | 52,986 |
| 54. | 8.5 | The Third Man (1949) | 42,221 |
| 55. | 8.5 | The Shining (1980) | 142,858 |
| 56. | 8.4 | The Pianist (2002) | 103,513 |
| 57. | 8.4 | Chinatown (1974) | 64,242 |
| 58. | 8.4 | Saving Private Ryan (1998) | 225,016 |
| 59. | 8.4 | Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004) | 177,080 |
| 60. | 8.4 | Sen to Chihiro no kamikakushi (2001) | 78,944 |
| 61. | 8.4 | Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991) | 187,729 |
| 62. | 8.4 | Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975) | 133,029 |
| 63. | 8.4 | Requiem for a Dream (2000) | 147,447 |
| 64. | 8.4 | L.A. Confidential (1997) | 141,135 |
| 65. | 8.4 | Aliens (1986) | 140,214 |
| 66. | 8.4 | Das Boot (1981) | 59,604 |
| 67. | 8.4 | The Bridge on the River Kwai (1957) | 49,290 |
| 68. | 8.4 | City Lights (1931) | 20,973 |
| 69. | 8.4 | Laberinto del fauno, El (2006) | 119,519 |
| 70. | 8.4 | Reservoir Dogs (1992) | 173,953 |
| 71. | 8.4 | The Wrestler (2008) | 40,778 |
| 72. | 8.4 | Rashômon (1950) | 31,391 |
| 73. | 8.4 | Raging Bull (1980) | 73,571 |
| 74. | 8.4 | The Maltese Falcon (1941) | 43,157 |
| 75. | 8.4 | All About Eve (1950) | 29,241 |
| 76. | 8.4 | Modern Times (1936) | 28,145 |
| 77. | 8.3 | Singin' in the Rain (1952) | 45,924 |
| 78. | 8.3 | Der Untergang (2004) | 63,195 |
| 79. | 8.3 | Metropolis (1927) | 31,628 |
| 80. | 8.3 | Gran Torino (2008) | 45,740 |
| 81. | 8.3 | Rebecca (1940) | 28,817 |
| 82. | 8.3 | Some Like It Hot (1959) | 55,651 |
| 83. | 8.3 | The Prestige (2006) | 153,936 |
| 84. | 8.3 | Amadeus (1984) | 80,558 |
| 85. | 8.3 | The Elephant Man (1980) | 46,430 |
| 86. | 8.3 | Vita è bella, La (1997) | 87,675 |
| 87. | 8.3 | 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968) | 134,070 |
| 88. | 8.3 | Nuovo cinema Paradiso (1988) | 36,207 |
| 89. | 8.3 | The Apartment (1960) | 29,037 |
| 90. | 8.3 | The Great Escape (1963) | 50,835 |
| 91. | 8.3 | Sin City (2005) | 208,477 |
| 92. | 8.3 | The Great Dictator (1940) | 29,136 |
| 93. | 8.3 | Once Upon a Time in America (1984) | 57,756 |
| 94. | 8.3 | Full Metal Jacket (1987) | 122,931 |
| 95. | 8.3 | The Sting (1973) | 54,511 |
| 96. | 8.3 | Touch of Evil (1958) | 26,778 |
| 97. | 8.3 | Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (1939) | 27,537 |
| 98. | 8.3 | Ladri di biciclette (1948) | 20,915 |
| 99. | 8.3 | On the Waterfront (1954) | 33,402 |
| 100. | 8.3 | Sjunde inseglet, Det (1957) | 29,144 |
| 101. | 8.3 | Back to the Future (1985) | 163,769 |
| 102. | 8.3 | Hotel Rwanda (2004) | 73,227 |
| 103. | 8.3 | No Country for Old Men (2007) | 154,241 |
| 104. | 8.3 | Braveheart (1995) | 202,259 |
| 105. | 8.3 | Batman Begins (2005) | 223,294 |
| 106. | 8.3 | Jaws (1975) | 114,774 |
| 107. | 8.3 | Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989) | 145,952 |
| 108. | 8.3 | Strangers on a Train (1951) | 27,405 |
| 109. | 8.3 | Blade Runner (1982) | 155,982 |
| 110. | 8.3 | Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi (1983) | 179,423 |
| 111. | 8.3 | Unforgiven (1992) | 78,239 |
| 112. | 8.2 | The Manchurian Candidate (1962) | 29,728 |
| 113. | 8.2 | The Green Mile (1999) | 158,192 |
| 114. | 8.2 | Notorious (1946) | 25,573 |
| 115. | 8.2 | High Noon (1952) | 28,237 |
| 116. | 8.2 | The Big Sleep (1946) | 23,893 |
| 117. | 8.2 | Oldboy (2003) | 72,335 |
| 118. | 8.2 | Gladiator (2000) | 227,822 |
| 119. | 8.2 | There Will Be Blood (2007) | 99,902 |
| 120. | 8.2 | Fargo (1996) | 139,152 |
| 121. | 8.2 | Per qualche dollaro in più (1965) | 32,808 |
| 122. | 8.2 | Cool Hand Luke (1967) | 36,832 |
| 123. | 8.2 | The Wizard of Oz (1939) | 86,027 |
| 124. | 8.2 | Die Hard (1988) | 149,231 |
| 125. | 8.2 | Mononoke-hime (1997) | 52,703 |
| 126. | 8.2 | Donnie Darko (2001) | 170,695 |
| 127. | 8.2 | The General (1927) | 16,040 |
| 128. | 8.2 | Yojimbo (1961) | 23,692 |
| 129. | 8.2 | Ran (1985) | 28,538 |
| 130. | 8.2 | Smultronstället (1957) | 16,610 |
| 131. | 8.2 | Witness for the Prosecution (1957) | 13,998 |
| 132. | 8.2 | It Happened One Night (1934) | 19,918 |
| 133. | 8.2 | Annie Hall (1977) | 53,276 |
| 134. | 8.2 | Kind Hearts and Coronets (1949) | 10,239 |
| 135. | 8.2 | Heat (1995) | 117,920 |
| 136. | 8.2 | Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003) | 188,912 |
| 137. | 8.2 | Salaire de la peur, Le (1953) | 10,858 |
| 138. | 8.2 | The Deer Hunter (1978) | 72,032 |
| 139. | 8.2 | The Sixth Sense (1999) | 202,892 |
| 140. | 8.2 | Into the Wild (2007) | 63,822 |
| 141. | 8.2 | Platoon (1986) | 89,848 |
| 142. | 8.2 | Ben-Hur (1959) | 48,175 |
| 143. | 8.2 | Notti di Cabiria, Le (1957) | 8,393 |
| 144. | 8.2 | Million Dollar Baby (2004) | 111,000 |
| 145. | 8.1 | The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (2008) | 75,569 |
| 146. | 8.1 | The Bourne Ultimatum (2007) | 113,298 |
| 147. | 8.1 | Judgment at Nuremberg (1961) | 10,922 |
| 148. | 8.1 | Diaboliques, Les (1955) | 10,961 |
| 149. | 8.1 | Life of Brian (1979) | 77,777 |
| 150. | 8.1 | Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969) | 47,557 |
| 151. | 8.1 | 8½ (1963) | 22,727 |
| 152. | 8.1 | The Big Lebowski (1998) | 142,957 |
| 153. | 8.1 | Ratatouille (2007) | 100,289 |
| 154. | 8.1 | The Grapes of Wrath (1940) | 18,861 |
| 155. | 8.1 | The Killing (1956) | 19,781 |
| 156. | 8.1 | Snatch. (2000) | 136,390 |
| 157. | 8.1 | The Graduate (1967) | 63,925 |
| 158. | 8.1 | Amores perros (2000) | 49,168 |
| 159. | 8.1 | Finding Nemo (2003) | 131,319 |
| 160. | 8.1 | The Night of the Hunter (1955) | 19,976 |
| 161. | 8.1 | Stand by Me (1986) | 73,841 |
| 162. | 8.1 | Dog Day Afternoon (1975) | 47,043 |
| 163. | 8.1 | The Gold Rush (1925) | 16,586 |
| 164. | 8.1 | Brief Encounter (1945) | 10,326 |
| 165. | 8.1 | Gandhi (1982) | 40,859 |
| 166. | 8.1 | Gone with the Wind (1939) | 64,093 |
| 167. | 8.1 | The Wild Bunch (1969) | 25,389 |
| 168. | 8.1 | Trainspotting (1996) | 123,838 |
| 169. | 8.1 | V for Vendetta (2005) | 176,312 |
| 170. | 8.1 | Scarface (1983) | 121,216 |
| 171. | 8.1 | The Lion King (1994) | 104,868 |
| 172. | 8.1 | The Thing (1982) | 60,579 |
| 173. | 8.1 | The Princess Bride (1987) | 107,698 |
| 174. | 8.1 | Groundhog Day (1993) | 109,250 |
| 175. | 8.1 | Harvey (1950) | 19,020 |
| 176. | 8.1 | Shadow of a Doubt (1943) | 16,759 |
| 177. | 8.1 | The Incredibles (2004) | 127,786 |
| 178. | 8.1 | Toy Story (1995) | 114,295 |
| 179. | 8.1 | Sleuth (1972) | 13,539 |
| 180. | 8.1 | Umberto D. (1952) | 6,625 |
| 181. | 8.1 | The Hustler (1961) | 20,793 |
| 182. | 8.1 | Battaglia di Algeri, La (1966) | 10,467 |
| 183. | 8.1 | The Terminator (1984) | 141,614 |
| 184. | 8.1 | Children of Men (2006) | 124,751 |
| 185. | 8.1 | Sunrise: A Song of Two Humans (1927) | 8,552 |
| 186. | 8.1 | Twelve Monkeys (1995) | 139,215 |
| 187. | 8.0 | The Ox-Bow Incident (1943) | 7,053 |
| 188. | 8.0 | Låt den rätte komma in (2008) | 17,391 |
| 189. | 8.0 | The Best Years of Our Lives (1946) | 14,231 |
| 190. | 8.0 | The Kid (1921) | 9,875 |
| 191. | 8.0 | Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (1998) | 99,884 |
| 192. | 8.0 | The African Queen (1951) | 28,602 |
| 193. | 8.0 | Duck Soup (1933) | 21,949 |
| 194. | 8.0 | Letters from Iwo Jima (2006) | 42,465 |
| 195. | 8.0 | Stalag 17 (1953) | 17,070 |
| 196. | 8.0 | The Lady Vanishes (1938) | 14,177 |
| 197. | 8.0 | The Conversation (1974) | 26,141 |
| 198. | 8.0 | Hotaru no haka (1988) | 26,355 |
| 199. | 8.0 | Casino (1995) | 86,264 |
| 200. | 8.0 | The Adventures of Robin Hood (1938) | 18,844 |
| 201. | 8.0 | In Bruges (2008) | 60,401 |
| 202. | 8.0 | Dial M for Murder (1954) | 23,027 |
| 203. | 8.0 | Watchmen (2009) | 45,155 |
| 204. | 8.0 | King Kong (1933) | 31,744 |
| 205. | 8.0 | Scaphandre et le papillon, Le (2007) | 20,275 |
| 206. | 8.0 | Ed Wood (1994) | 60,267 |
| 207. | 8.0 | Anatomy of a Murder (1959) | 12,690 |
| 208. | 8.0 | All Quiet on the Western Front (1930) | 17,302 |
| 209. | 8.0 | Crash (2004/I) | 141,918 |
| 210. | 8.0 | The Exorcist (1973) | 83,978 |
| 211. | 8.0 | A Streetcar Named Desire (1951) | 26,905 |
| 212. | 8.0 | Rope (1948) | 24,343 |
| 213. | 8.0 | The Lost Weekend (1945) | 9,661 |
| 214. | 8.0 | Bonnie and Clyde (1967) | 32,968 |
| 215. | 8.0 | The Day the Earth Stood Still (1951) | 27,879 |
| 216. | 8.0 | Kill Bill: Vol. 2 (2004) | 147,227 |
| 217. | 8.0 | Strada, La (1954) | 13,850 |
| 218. | 8.0 | Rosemary's Baby (1968) | 39,398 |
| 219. | 8.0 | Patton (1970) | 32,792 |
| 220. | 8.0 | Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? (1966) | 15,191 |
| 221. | 8.0 | His Girl Friday (1940) | 16,808 |
| 222. | 8.0 | Safety Last! (1923) | 3,953 |
| 223. | 8.0 | Frankenstein (1931) | 18,872 |
| 224. | 8.0 | Wo hu cang long (2000) | 94,399 |
| 225. | 8.0 | Sweet Smell of Success (1957) | 6,984 |
| 226. | 8.0 | Changeling (2008) | 28,955 |
| 227. | 8.0 | Nosferatu, eine Symphonie des Grauens (1922) | 23,662 |
| 228. | 8.0 | Glory (1989) | 47,750 |
| 229. | 8.0 | Network (1976) | 25,680 |
| 230. | 8.0 | Little Miss Sunshine (2006) | 119,575 |
| 231. | 8.0 | The Philadelphia Story (1940) | 23,169 |
| 232. | 8.0 | Magnolia (1999) | 103,475 |
| 233. | 8.0 | Manhattan (1979) | 31,144 |
| 234. | 8.0 | Big Fish (2003) | 110,511 |
| 235. | 8.0 | Roman Holiday (1953) | 24,993 |
| 236. | 8.0 | Arsenic and Old Lace (1944) | 24,770 |
| 237. | 8.0 | Mystic River (2003) | 93,525 |
| 238. | 8.0 | Spartacus (1960) | 41,375 |
| 239. | 8.0 | In the Heat of the Night (1967) | 18,621 |
| 240. | 8.0 | Laura (1944) | 11,365 |
| 241. | 8.0 | Dolce vita, La (1960) | 15,798 |
| 242. | 8.0 | Rocky (1976) | 73,267 |
| 243. | 8.0 | Great Expectations (1946) | 7,798 |
| 244. | 8.0 | Good Will Hunting (1997) | 120,139 |
| 245. | 8.0 | Barry Lyndon (1975) | 31,993 |
| 246. | 8.0 | The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance (1962) | 19,347 |
| 247. | 8.0 | Quatre cents coups, Les (1959) | 18,179 |
| 248. | 8.0 | Harold and Maude (1971) | 23,315 |
| 249. | 8.0 | Hauru no ugoku shiro (2004) | 33,767 |
| 250. | 8.0 | Mou gaan dou (2002) | 28,389 |
Sunday, March 15, 2009
IMDB TOP250
Ive decided I want to watch all the films on IMDBs top 250 films list. Some of these I have watched recently... others its been a while, some not at all. I dont really aspire to be a film critic or anything but I want to see these anyway.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Counting my blessings
Its funny how much life can change in one month.
Its been a month and Ive got a plan for where Ill be living for the next year. Ive made some hard decisions.... very hard decisions... but Ive accepted what must be done. I am taking steps to continue along the path I am creating. Ive had to slow my roll a bit, but it is not something I am going to worry about, there will be time to start running again in due time. But for now, I am building the foundation of many a great thing. Here is a thank you to all that have made this possible for me. To the catalysts, the bridges, the hands, the shoulders and the backup that have seen me through these times and to those that have forced me to grow and to those who will arrive later in my life. This is a future thank you to you all.
Specifically to these:
My Parents -- We dont always get along, but without your assistance I would not be where I am. I am grateful for the financial assistance and the patience you show my impatience.
To PPS -- Ill never work for you as a technician again... but without the many years I spent working there I would not have met the people who would really raise me and teach me to positively grow through all my experiences, the good and the bad.
To Mr. Lillebo -- I still cant quite put my finger on it, but you are a huge inspiration for me to become a teacher, of history no less.
To Sean -- You showed me that there was more to life than what I had seen. You are one of the sole reasons I am as cognitively aware as I have become and because of that I always strive to expand my horizons. Our 6+ hr conversations on "life the universe and everything" along with our late night trips to denies have kept me sane for the last few years.
To Allyson -- Its kind of fucked up, but without the catalyst of the relationship I had with you I would never have reconnected with Sean. But more importantly than that, your friendship, for as short as it lasted was a huge boon to me. I will always think fondly of those days and I just want to say here, I miss you and I miss your friendship.
To Priscilla -- Wow, you were the biggest catalyst for me to go back to school. To be honest, if not for wanting to strengthening our friendship and meeting the other kcon people that go to PSU, I would not have finished filling out the paperwork. Your friendship also meant a lot to me, but like I used to say, I met you too soon. I clearly didnt know how to handle myself and through the experience that was our friendship I discovered a lot of the dos and donts of inter-personal relations. I miss you, I wish you the best of luck with your schooling, your relationships and your life.
Lastly to the members of Mithril -- We all have had our own things going on. Whether it be wives, girlfriends, jobs or whatever has come about I have always found great strength in your friendship, in your words and mostly in your hearts. To me, everyone who wears one of our Mithril patches is a brother and I would be honored if when I die I can be burried with our flag. Because to me that picture we so blatently stole from an anime is more than just a picture, or the collection of its parts, or a symbol for an airsoft team. It is a brotherhood.
Its been a month and Ive got a plan for where Ill be living for the next year. Ive made some hard decisions.... very hard decisions... but Ive accepted what must be done. I am taking steps to continue along the path I am creating. Ive had to slow my roll a bit, but it is not something I am going to worry about, there will be time to start running again in due time. But for now, I am building the foundation of many a great thing. Here is a thank you to all that have made this possible for me. To the catalysts, the bridges, the hands, the shoulders and the backup that have seen me through these times and to those that have forced me to grow and to those who will arrive later in my life. This is a future thank you to you all.
Specifically to these:
My Parents -- We dont always get along, but without your assistance I would not be where I am. I am grateful for the financial assistance and the patience you show my impatience.
To PPS -- Ill never work for you as a technician again... but without the many years I spent working there I would not have met the people who would really raise me and teach me to positively grow through all my experiences, the good and the bad.
To Mr. Lillebo -- I still cant quite put my finger on it, but you are a huge inspiration for me to become a teacher, of history no less.
To Sean -- You showed me that there was more to life than what I had seen. You are one of the sole reasons I am as cognitively aware as I have become and because of that I always strive to expand my horizons. Our 6+ hr conversations on "life the universe and everything" along with our late night trips to denies have kept me sane for the last few years.
To Allyson -- Its kind of fucked up, but without the catalyst of the relationship I had with you I would never have reconnected with Sean. But more importantly than that, your friendship, for as short as it lasted was a huge boon to me. I will always think fondly of those days and I just want to say here, I miss you and I miss your friendship.
To Priscilla -- Wow, you were the biggest catalyst for me to go back to school. To be honest, if not for wanting to strengthening our friendship and meeting the other kcon people that go to PSU, I would not have finished filling out the paperwork. Your friendship also meant a lot to me, but like I used to say, I met you too soon. I clearly didnt know how to handle myself and through the experience that was our friendship I discovered a lot of the dos and donts of inter-personal relations. I miss you, I wish you the best of luck with your schooling, your relationships and your life.
Lastly to the members of Mithril -- We all have had our own things going on. Whether it be wives, girlfriends, jobs or whatever has come about I have always found great strength in your friendship, in your words and mostly in your hearts. To me, everyone who wears one of our Mithril patches is a brother and I would be honored if when I die I can be burried with our flag. Because to me that picture we so blatently stole from an anime is more than just a picture, or the collection of its parts, or a symbol for an airsoft team. It is a brotherhood.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Truth vs Happiness
I have been thinking more and more about truth vs happiness. Often times the two go against each other. Is the truth worth shattering someones happiness? Is happiness worth turning a blind eye to the truth? Sometimes these things can go hand in hand... but specifically when they dont... which is the higher card?
Saturday, February 21, 2009
dream
I dreamed about Allyson last night. I havent thought about her in a long time. In my dream she was throwing things away. I asked her what she was throwing away, I dont remember what she said. It was a weird dream, I felt like I was floating the whole time, and I think we were outside of a wallgreens, maybe a wallmart? I miss her. I miss being her friend, I miss being her confedant, I miss being with her. But these things happen. Life goes on. Well... time to get to study group.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Warning! Emo Blog Incoming!
[emo] Damnit... why do I have to always be the nice guy? I could have just told her that her boyfriend is an inconsiderate piece of shit, I could have told her to dump him and be with someone who treats her like she should be treated. But no... Im the nice guy... instead I gave her tips on how to talk to him, I told her to stick with him, I told her that she shouldnt give up what is for what could be... and I guess things are better for them, she is happy... and just like the typical nice guy Im here just feeling like I missed the bus again. I cant help looking her in the eyes and wishing I could be closer, I cant help wishing that I could embrace her with more than a friend hug. But that is the nature of being the nice guy... always the friend, rarely more. I can keep telling myself one day... and the girl who gets to be with me will be very lucky... but that doesnt curb the lonliness, it doesnt give me someone to hold...
[/emo]
[/emo]
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Ode to my family
11:14:21 PM Shosha: tell me something about yourself that I don't know... I always tell you lots of things and you don't...
11:14:58 PM David Sherman: something about myself? hmm...
11:15:41 PM David Sherman: i ever tell you i grew up in a private school?
11:16:05 PM Shosha: with the mean rich kids?
11:16:10 PM David Sherman: yup
11:18:04 PM David Sherman: hmm I ever tell you I have my biological parents but I have other pseudo adopted parents that actually did more to raise me?
11:18:20 PM Shosha: no
11:20:27 PM David Sherman: ok, so i grew up in a more or less emotionally bankrupt home. My parents never did much for me as far as raising me went. They are the type that believe in negative reinforcement and a little stress is good for kids. Unfortunately they also never knew where to draw the line for themselves
11:20:59 PM David Sherman: I think they kind of expected the private school to raise us
11:21:08 PM David Sherman: and it did for a while
11:22:57 PM David Sherman: coming from that home and that school all three of us (myself and my two sisters) were really fucked up angry kids with no idea how to deal with things in a healthy way. Because of that we all had similar issues in life learning to trust people, and mostly learning to deal with disappointment
11:23:51 PM David Sherman: phone call
11:31:47 PM David Sherman: back
11:33:22 PM David Sherman: so as for me, I ended up meeting various people that were father figures for me. I had a teacher in high school that was kind of a father figure for me. Several of the people I worked with at PPS taught me a lot about how to get along in life. I count myself very blessed actually. If not for them Id still be an angry high school kid.
11:33:47 PM David Sherman: I will probably end up having my girlfriend meet them before my real parents
11:35:04 PM Shosha: that's cool... I kinda had to deal with everything myself... well... I thought I did... still kinda do... I always have myself... there's no one else that will always be there you know?
11:35:21 PM David Sherman: thats true to some extent
11:36:03 PM David Sherman: I know that one day my "fathers" will die and they wont be there, but I also know that until then they are there for me for anything I need to deal with.
11:36:25 PM Shosha: how did you get so close with them?
11:37:45 PM David Sherman: Im the type of person that attracts close relationships. My band of brothers in airsoft, my "brothers" outside of them, even my adopted parents. I think I just naturally attract these kinds of people.
11:38:49 PM David Sherman: They might pick up on the amount of respect I have for them, maybe its just us going through shit together. I dont really know. But I know that while we draw breath we are there for each other.
11:39:26 PM Shosha: I never had anyone like that...
11:39:44 PM David Sherman: even you admitted that some how after only a few months you think of me as a friend as close as those in israel
11:40:52 PM David Sherman: that unfortunately can also scare people that arent ready to accept that there are people like that out there.
11:41:10 PM David Sherman: I had a really good friend I met last february
11:42:15 PM David Sherman: we got pretty close quickly. Trouble was, this person tended to go through friends like fashion. New friends every season kind of thing. When I was still a close friend into the summer she kind of freaked out and kicked me out of her life
11:42:53 PM Shosha: that's too bad...
11:43:39 PM David Sherman: I still think about her sometimes, but all in all I have admit she just isnt the type to keep friends and is still really foolish at heart
11:46:12 PM Shosha: I still can't get over moving away from my old friends... I afraid of making new ones...
11:46:45 PM David Sherman: any action made is fear is the wrong action... that applies to lack of action as well.
11:47:32 PM David Sherman: made in*
11:49:22 PM Shosha: I guess I just don't even know how I can possibly make friends like that again...
11:49:37 PM Shosha: fuck I'm really tired and I want to go to sleep
11:49:59 PM David Sherman: should I let you sleep? we can talk about this another time
11:50:13 PM Shosha: yeah... I really want to sleep...
11:50:25 PM David Sherman: ok, get some rest
11:50:31 PM Shosha: goodnight
11:50:38 PM David Sherman: good night
Here's to my brothers, my fathers and all other forms of people who have given me the life experiences that have made me who I am today. You all mean the most to me.
11:14:58 PM David Sherman: something about myself? hmm...
11:15:41 PM David Sherman: i ever tell you i grew up in a private school?
11:16:05 PM Shosha: with the mean rich kids?
11:16:10 PM David Sherman: yup
11:18:04 PM David Sherman: hmm I ever tell you I have my biological parents but I have other pseudo adopted parents that actually did more to raise me?
11:18:20 PM Shosha: no
11:20:27 PM David Sherman: ok, so i grew up in a more or less emotionally bankrupt home. My parents never did much for me as far as raising me went. They are the type that believe in negative reinforcement and a little stress is good for kids. Unfortunately they also never knew where to draw the line for themselves
11:20:59 PM David Sherman: I think they kind of expected the private school to raise us
11:21:08 PM David Sherman: and it did for a while
11:22:57 PM David Sherman: coming from that home and that school all three of us (myself and my two sisters) were really fucked up angry kids with no idea how to deal with things in a healthy way. Because of that we all had similar issues in life learning to trust people, and mostly learning to deal with disappointment
11:23:51 PM David Sherman: phone call
11:31:47 PM David Sherman: back
11:33:22 PM David Sherman: so as for me, I ended up meeting various people that were father figures for me. I had a teacher in high school that was kind of a father figure for me. Several of the people I worked with at PPS taught me a lot about how to get along in life. I count myself very blessed actually. If not for them Id still be an angry high school kid.
11:33:47 PM David Sherman: I will probably end up having my girlfriend meet them before my real parents
11:35:04 PM Shosha: that's cool... I kinda had to deal with everything myself... well... I thought I did... still kinda do... I always have myself... there's no one else that will always be there you know?
11:35:21 PM David Sherman: thats true to some extent
11:36:03 PM David Sherman: I know that one day my "fathers" will die and they wont be there, but I also know that until then they are there for me for anything I need to deal with.
11:36:25 PM Shosha: how did you get so close with them?
11:37:45 PM David Sherman: Im the type of person that attracts close relationships. My band of brothers in airsoft, my "brothers" outside of them, even my adopted parents. I think I just naturally attract these kinds of people.
11:38:49 PM David Sherman: They might pick up on the amount of respect I have for them, maybe its just us going through shit together. I dont really know. But I know that while we draw breath we are there for each other.
11:39:26 PM Shosha: I never had anyone like that...
11:39:44 PM David Sherman: even you admitted that some how after only a few months you think of me as a friend as close as those in israel
11:40:52 PM David Sherman: that unfortunately can also scare people that arent ready to accept that there are people like that out there.
11:41:10 PM David Sherman: I had a really good friend I met last february
11:42:15 PM David Sherman: we got pretty close quickly. Trouble was, this person tended to go through friends like fashion. New friends every season kind of thing. When I was still a close friend into the summer she kind of freaked out and kicked me out of her life
11:42:53 PM Shosha: that's too bad...
11:43:39 PM David Sherman: I still think about her sometimes, but all in all I have admit she just isnt the type to keep friends and is still really foolish at heart
11:46:12 PM Shosha: I still can't get over moving away from my old friends... I afraid of making new ones...
11:46:45 PM David Sherman: any action made is fear is the wrong action... that applies to lack of action as well.
11:47:32 PM David Sherman: made in*
11:49:22 PM Shosha: I guess I just don't even know how I can possibly make friends like that again...
11:49:37 PM Shosha: fuck I'm really tired and I want to go to sleep
11:49:59 PM David Sherman: should I let you sleep? we can talk about this another time
11:50:13 PM Shosha: yeah... I really want to sleep...
11:50:25 PM David Sherman: ok, get some rest
11:50:31 PM Shosha: goodnight
11:50:38 PM David Sherman: good night
Here's to my brothers, my fathers and all other forms of people who have given me the life experiences that have made me who I am today. You all mean the most to me.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Random Ponderings
I could die a happy man if Mr Six and the Blue Man Group toured together and I actually got to see them.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
