Intense Meditation

This morning I had a very intense meditative experience.
-I started off with 50 situps and 25 pushups.
-Showered
-Did my usual breathing exercises to uttara-kuru
Heres where it got weird...
While I was focusing on taking in energy and moving it through my lungs I got a huge burst of Charlotte. This is strange because she has not been here in a week.
It was her smell but more than that, it was her energy. Her essence.
-From there I went on to my usual falun dafa techniques
-Into my "tai chi" (Ive never taken tai chi, its just what Ive developed myself as my own form of it)
It was here I thought about something... Ive done lots of channeling energy from one part of myself to another, lots of experiments with breathing and feeling and all kinds of different energy manipulation.... but never what Charlotte did for me when I was feeling very sore that one night.
-I absorbed energy with one hand and let it flow through my body out the other hand. It was so much different than my usual style. Maybe this is a more "fire" approach? From there I thought... huh... well why not try something I saw once in a cartoon?
-For those of you who have seen Avatar you should know the lighting redirection technique that Uncle Iroh uses. I tried that only without actual lightning... just regular energy.
-It was hard to do at first because there was energy around me but it was smooth flowing energy, I didnt have someone to "shoot" it at me. So I gathered all the energy I could in a short matter of seconds in one hand, crossed it through my body and fired it out the other hand. Needless to say of course no flashy blue energy blast came out. Its not DBZ Im talking here. But it was like a lake overflowing and bursting through a dam. It hurt... a lot afterwards.

I feel fairly drained but overall I feel good, thats what meditation really does for me. I love the feel of opening up the third eye chakra. Its been a long time since Ive been able to open up the crown or above, and even longer since Ive been able to connect meridian lines and activate several at the same time. But I have a personal goal now. Im really going to get into experimenting with my energy and develop myself before I take ballroom dancing and tai chi next term. Im going to get into shape and really be at the top of my game.

Today was a good day

I woke up and spent some time chatting with Sean.
I got sean, tam, jenell and I to go see Inglorious basterds. Great Movie. It was the first Quentin Tarantino movie Ive ever seen in theaters. It very well may have been his masterpiece. POILER ALERT***Quentin is the only director so full of himself that he would kill hitler in a movie.***End SPOILER!!

Afterwards we went to five guys. I wasnt sure about the place at first. You walk in and there is a huge box of peanuts. Its there for something to munch on while you wait in line, people are actually encouraged to throw the shells on the ground. When you order a burger its plain, you have to order any condiments or other bits that you want. For example I got a Bacon Cheeseburger and had them add Grilled Mushrooms, Grilled onions, BBQ sauce, Ketchup, and jalepenios. Their schtick is that it costs nothing extra for all the toppings you want to add. Ultimately the place prooved itself to me when Journey came on over the speakers. Move over Mikes Drive In, Five Guys is the new Burger Master in Town.

After that we went and got Bubble Bubble while Tam narrated Dead by Dawn followed by me and Tam both reliving our favorite experiences from Nephilim II. We spent the evening chatting and laughing and people watching. My favorite thing about Bubble Bubble here in beaverton is all the fine Asian girls it always seems to attract.

Best night Ive had in a while. Tam and Jenell always make for great socially awkward discussion. At one point at Five guys we just made a huge run of sexually charged jokes building off each other, the next one worse than the last.

I dont get to hang with Tam and Jenell enough. Sean gives me hell for it sometimes since they are older than me but I feel more at home with them then most my other friends. Tam and Jennel just dont care what they say, everything is so fun with them. Heh, jennel tried convincing me to hook up with her 16 year old niece because she also just broke up with her boyfriend. Eh... stephanie is cute but Im not even going to consider stepping there until shes several years older and several years more mature.

Next up tonight? Pick items and wait for charlotte to get online to figure out when Im picking her up.

A letter to my parents

Hey

So I just thought I should give you guys the heads up.
Charlotte and I broke up. She needs to go and find herself
something she "can only do if she's single". I still love her.
To answer your question mom, yes I did plan on marrying her.
I guess I thought that was evident by her being the first girl friend
I ever introduced to my family.

There's a small chance that she and I could end up back together.
I cant really stop my world for that small chance. I dont really want
to talk about it right now so please respect my request and dont
ask me tons of questions about it right now. Wait until my heart
has healed.

She and I are going to still be friends I suppose. She seems to want
that more than I do but if that doesnt work out either then thats the way
its going to be.

There will most likely be other girls in my future and when I bring one
home to introduce you to know that I love her and there will be no reason
to compare her to Charlotte or Allyson.

Dave

Single

So Charlotte and I have sort of split up. She is going to be single for a while to better discover herself. We have decided to step it back to just dating, not being actually officially boyfriend/girlfriend. I want to believe that she and I will be back together when she discovers herself but I cant shake the feeling that this is just a slow letdown till she finds herself and goes to someone else. She says that she still loves me, I know I still love her, but Im fighting that numbing feeling. Last night and at the end of our double date today were the first time Ive felt anything from her kiss and "I love you's" in some time. Maybe thats a sign that she's moving back in my direction. Im worried, Im scared, Im trying to be confident, Im trying to be secure in knowing that she and I will be together again, but I cant feel that way when I always feel like she doesnt want things to end up that way. Im sad. Its raining out. I need a distraction.


I want my girl back. < /3

Charlotte

I woke up hugging my/her pillow. It still smells like her, I clutched it feeling for her heartbeat but I felt only my own. My bed isnt right with out her there. I need so very much to hold her in my arms right now. I need her. I love her.

Heartstrings

For the last few days my heart has been feeling its strings tugged on. Ive never missed anyone so much. And now that I will get to see her tomorrow I feel like my heart is being pulled in her direction. Every minute that goes by is another small step towards seeing her again. I cant wait <3

People who hate people

On the subject of people who hate other people for various reasons.

S: In 50 years people will look back on all this hatred towards gay people the same way they look at the racism of the 60s.
Me: Yeah probably.
S: Do you think people will ever run out of reasons to hate each other?
Me: No, people will make up new reasons to hate each other. By 2030 people will hate other people for wearing black on Tuesdays.
S: If that becomes a reality Ill kill myself.

We had a good laugh. Sometimes that's the best thing to do when analyzing humanity.

Dream 8-25-09

I fell asleep today around 3 or 4 oclock.
In my dream a woman appears and toss a paper plane at me. I catch it but its not a paper plane. Its a paper bird (origami) with a long wavy tail. The bird looks like a phoenix. The woman says "everything's going to be alright" Then I woke up.

I dont know if a dream like this is a prophetic message from the universe or my subconscious projecting what it wants.

A thorn by any other name

In medieval times guards were placed on the roads to protect the people from thieves, now the guards have become the thieves.

Its never enough

I pick her up from work but then I have to work.
I have her all Monday but we have D&D at 6:30 and she wont wake up before noon. If we dont get up and involve Sean in something then we are ignoring him and being bad friends.
Then I wake up early to drop her off to go see her friends.

We only get to have time alone together for about 4 hours A WEEK and we spend that time watching Buffy. Its not enough. God... its just never enough. :(

My mind has gone to bad places

I dont know what it is. Im worried. Im scared. Im afraid. My mind has gone to bad places tonight. Please, Please dont let it be.