I realized something. When I met her, she was still a scared girl. When we went to the japanese gardens I asked her if she picked that spot as a romantic spot. That must have been what scared her. After that she wouldnt meet me outside of a large group. She was afraid that I would get close to her.

However on her trip to japan she was forced to be in close regular contact with others for 3 weeks. She mistakes those close three weeks as something special because she has never been in such a situation, she found she liked it, but if they had taken out the being in japan aspect then she wouldnt be anywhere near where she is now. If I had just not said anything and she and I had hung out for such a long amount of time this wouldnt be happening. Unfortunately I didnt realize that she would react the way she did. And I didnt realize the way she reacted until it was too late. Now she will forever have a predisposition towards any possible future relationship. Even if I hang on as a friend I dont think she will ever get over that she pushed me out of her heart and be able to see beyond into what could be. There years can only tell for certain. But I hope one day she will be able to see beyond all this. Hell bishops wife wouldnt date him for 6 years before finally giving it a shot, now she is happily married with a bright future.

I dont know anymore... should I try to stick it out and see if she and I can patch things up later, or is it worth all the pain and mental anguish? Thats a simple answer... she is worth it. Every last bit of it. And I would go through this all over again if I had a shot to make her happy. Alright... Ill stick this one out. Time to dry my eyes and let the world start spinning again.