moonless nights

The last two nights have been completely moonless. Where is the moon when I need it most? I havent been eating, I cant keep anything down right now. Damnit sean, I need a shoulder, why are you always intoxicated when I need you most.

I dont think she is talking to me anymore. Its 1 am and nothing from her, I think shes doesnt care anymore about the little things, I think she doesnt want to tell me what shes been up to or thinking about, or plans for the next day. Perhaps she thinks that not telling me anything will save me some pain, but the truth is her silence hurts just as much as her lies. I can tell when she is hiding things from me, I can see right through her.

Im getting tired of all this. I wonder sometimes how I know and work with so many single people in their 30s and I realize that its because the world is full of stupid people who dont know themselves, full of people who are too weak to allow themselves to recognize love when it comes. I tell myself this is all for the better, that this way I wont be the one in the relationship that ultimately fails. She once said she wasnt going after anyone she didnt feel she was in love with, and now she goes after two guys she has crushes on. What bad luck was it that I met her when she listened to fear. I am getting tired of all this. I need to get over her. She hurt me, and I still love her, but I need to see beyond that. I however think that no matter what she will never see me as a friend again. Instead as an acquaintance that she deals with sometimes. When will I fall for a girl with her heart in the right place?