It all started with Tam picking me up. We went downtown to reg for kcon. While there I saw the hot yojimbo, Im glad shes there again this year. Last year me and Duc just kind of chatted her up a bunch while she stood guarding one of the adult panels. Ive always planned on joining the yojimbo once I didnt have anyone to go to the con with. That might be next year, we'll see.
As we left the con space, swag bags in tow, we decided to call up Jenell and her friend Steve to go to dinner. As we left Tams house to find dinner Tam and I were horsing around a bit, just a little slowmo kungfu. He punched me pretty solidly on the right side of my chest. I didnt budge. It didnt hurt at all. In fact my chest blew out his shoulder. He was nursing it the rest of the night, thats what happens when you punch someone built like a Tank! XD
Originally we were going to go to Toshi's but they were full and we didnt want to wait. Thus we decided to head down to the Macaroni Grill. Dinner was very eventful, the kind of dinner conversation I cant get from anyone but tam and jenell's gang. I really miss hanging with them. Our waiter was a bit odd. He really seemed to like me, what with standing really close to me and puting his hand on my neck down the back of my shirt. Id say it was creepy but he was a really charismatic, handsome black guy. Too bad for him Im not into guys.
After dinner we dropped off steve. Tam, Jenell and I stayed around watching TV for a bit. I got bored and tired so I asked Tam to take me home. On the way home he said hes never taken german town road in his new Lancer. I said... "Lets do it". We spent the next hour driving Germantown Rd and Skyline Rd in the dark, in the rain, with the windows down.... between 60 and 85 mph... around 25 to 35 recommended mph turns. Holy shit his Lancer can take turns. It was such an adrenaline rush. I needed that so bad, Ive missed out on airsoft for a good two months and this was just what the doctored prescribed. It was thrilling, scary, and so much fun. There were several times when if not for my seat belt and "Oh Shit Handle" I would have been tossed out the passenger window. Initial D stuff. We are definitely going to have to find some less populated roads and do it again sometime.
With our eyes still watering and hand still numb from the oh shit handle we headed home. Talked to sean a bit and now its the waiting game. At some point Charlottes going to give me a call to come pick her up. Then more waiting, early wake up, more waiting, and con time.
Tam and I have decided we are going to do everything in our power to make this con the most enjoyable con experience for us ever.
Here comes the weekend....
Friday, September 4, 2009
A little green
This is probably bad to say, but I kind of like it when she gets jealous. It shows me that she really does still care on some level.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
My Second Mistake
After some thinking Ive discovered what my second mistake was with my relationship with Charlotte. I wish I could go back and change it, but I cant be the one to undo it, that would require her.
Its funny... people like me wait to get into relationships. We dont go from person to person willy nilly. We spend most of our time single. And when we do finally find someone we connect with, someone we can really love and let that really take hold of us. We make mistakes. We make mistakes that a more experienced person wouldnt make. We make mistakes that when we go back and think about it, we say "Really? I did that? What the fuck was I thinking?!". We make mistakes on the relationships that really count, the ones that we really want to see go far, and we pay for that inexperience, for our self-righteousness. We burn ourselves.
I believe I now know largely what caused her love to wain. And its all my fault.
Ive made my mistake, I wont ever make it again. I played myself the fool again.
Its funny... people like me wait to get into relationships. We dont go from person to person willy nilly. We spend most of our time single. And when we do finally find someone we connect with, someone we can really love and let that really take hold of us. We make mistakes. We make mistakes that a more experienced person wouldnt make. We make mistakes that when we go back and think about it, we say "Really? I did that? What the fuck was I thinking?!". We make mistakes on the relationships that really count, the ones that we really want to see go far, and we pay for that inexperience, for our self-righteousness. We burn ourselves.
I believe I now know largely what caused her love to wain. And its all my fault.
Ive made my mistake, I wont ever make it again. I played myself the fool again.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Intense Meditation
This morning I had a very intense meditative experience.
-I started off with 50 situps and 25 pushups.
-Showered
-Did my usual breathing exercises to uttara-kuru
Heres where it got weird...
While I was focusing on taking in energy and moving it through my lungs I got a huge burst of Charlotte. This is strange because she has not been here in a week.
It was her smell but more than that, it was her energy. Her essence.
-From there I went on to my usual falun dafa techniques
-Into my "tai chi" (Ive never taken tai chi, its just what Ive developed myself as my own form of it)
It was here I thought about something... Ive done lots of channeling energy from one part of myself to another, lots of experiments with breathing and feeling and all kinds of different energy manipulation.... but never what Charlotte did for me when I was feeling very sore that one night.
-I absorbed energy with one hand and let it flow through my body out the other hand. It was so much different than my usual style. Maybe this is a more "fire" approach? From there I thought... huh... well why not try something I saw once in a cartoon?
-For those of you who have seen Avatar you should know the lighting redirection technique that Uncle Iroh uses. I tried that only without actual lightning... just regular energy.
-It was hard to do at first because there was energy around me but it was smooth flowing energy, I didnt have someone to "shoot" it at me. So I gathered all the energy I could in a short matter of seconds in one hand, crossed it through my body and fired it out the other hand. Needless to say of course no flashy blue energy blast came out. Its not DBZ Im talking here. But it was like a lake overflowing and bursting through a dam. It hurt... a lot afterwards.
I feel fairly drained but overall I feel good, thats what meditation really does for me. I love the feel of opening up the third eye chakra. Its been a long time since Ive been able to open up the crown or above, and even longer since Ive been able to connect meridian lines and activate several at the same time. But I have a personal goal now. Im really going to get into experimenting with my energy and develop myself before I take ballroom dancing and tai chi next term. Im going to get into shape and really be at the top of my game.
-I started off with 50 situps and 25 pushups.
-Showered
-Did my usual breathing exercises to uttara-kuru
Heres where it got weird...
While I was focusing on taking in energy and moving it through my lungs I got a huge burst of Charlotte. This is strange because she has not been here in a week.
It was her smell but more than that, it was her energy. Her essence.
-From there I went on to my usual falun dafa techniques
-Into my "tai chi" (Ive never taken tai chi, its just what Ive developed myself as my own form of it)
It was here I thought about something... Ive done lots of channeling energy from one part of myself to another, lots of experiments with breathing and feeling and all kinds of different energy manipulation.... but never what Charlotte did for me when I was feeling very sore that one night.
-I absorbed energy with one hand and let it flow through my body out the other hand. It was so much different than my usual style. Maybe this is a more "fire" approach? From there I thought... huh... well why not try something I saw once in a cartoon?
-For those of you who have seen Avatar you should know the lighting redirection technique that Uncle Iroh uses. I tried that only without actual lightning... just regular energy.
-It was hard to do at first because there was energy around me but it was smooth flowing energy, I didnt have someone to "shoot" it at me. So I gathered all the energy I could in a short matter of seconds in one hand, crossed it through my body and fired it out the other hand. Needless to say of course no flashy blue energy blast came out. Its not DBZ Im talking here. But it was like a lake overflowing and bursting through a dam. It hurt... a lot afterwards.
I feel fairly drained but overall I feel good, thats what meditation really does for me. I love the feel of opening up the third eye chakra. Its been a long time since Ive been able to open up the crown or above, and even longer since Ive been able to connect meridian lines and activate several at the same time. But I have a personal goal now. Im really going to get into experimenting with my energy and develop myself before I take ballroom dancing and tai chi next term. Im going to get into shape and really be at the top of my game.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Today was a good day
I woke up and spent some time chatting with Sean.
I got sean, tam, jenell and I to go see Inglorious basterds. Great Movie. It was the first Quentin Tarantino movie Ive ever seen in theaters. It very well may have been his masterpiece. POILER ALERT***Quentin is the only director so full of himself that he would kill hitler in a movie.***End SPOILER!!
Afterwards we went to five guys. I wasnt sure about the place at first. You walk in and there is a huge box of peanuts. Its there for something to munch on while you wait in line, people are actually encouraged to throw the shells on the ground. When you order a burger its plain, you have to order any condiments or other bits that you want. For example I got a Bacon Cheeseburger and had them add Grilled Mushrooms, Grilled onions, BBQ sauce, Ketchup, and jalepenios. Their schtick is that it costs nothing extra for all the toppings you want to add. Ultimately the place prooved itself to me when Journey came on over the speakers. Move over Mikes Drive In, Five Guys is the new Burger Master in Town.
After that we went and got Bubble Bubble while Tam narrated Dead by Dawn followed by me and Tam both reliving our favorite experiences from Nephilim II. We spent the evening chatting and laughing and people watching. My favorite thing about Bubble Bubble here in beaverton is all the fine Asian girls it always seems to attract.
Best night Ive had in a while. Tam and Jenell always make for great socially awkward discussion. At one point at Five guys we just made a huge run of sexually charged jokes building off each other, the next one worse than the last.
I dont get to hang with Tam and Jenell enough. Sean gives me hell for it sometimes since they are older than me but I feel more at home with them then most my other friends. Tam and Jennel just dont care what they say, everything is so fun with them. Heh, jennel tried convincing me to hook up with her 16 year old niece because she also just broke up with her boyfriend. Eh... stephanie is cute but Im not even going to consider stepping there until shes several years older and several years more mature.
Next up tonight? Pick items and wait for charlotte to get online to figure out when Im picking her up.
I got sean, tam, jenell and I to go see Inglorious basterds. Great Movie. It was the first Quentin Tarantino movie Ive ever seen in theaters. It very well may have been his masterpiece. POILER ALERT***Quentin is the only director so full of himself that he would kill hitler in a movie.***End SPOILER!!
Afterwards we went to five guys. I wasnt sure about the place at first. You walk in and there is a huge box of peanuts. Its there for something to munch on while you wait in line, people are actually encouraged to throw the shells on the ground. When you order a burger its plain, you have to order any condiments or other bits that you want. For example I got a Bacon Cheeseburger and had them add Grilled Mushrooms, Grilled onions, BBQ sauce, Ketchup, and jalepenios. Their schtick is that it costs nothing extra for all the toppings you want to add. Ultimately the place prooved itself to me when Journey came on over the speakers. Move over Mikes Drive In, Five Guys is the new Burger Master in Town.
After that we went and got Bubble Bubble while Tam narrated Dead by Dawn followed by me and Tam both reliving our favorite experiences from Nephilim II. We spent the evening chatting and laughing and people watching. My favorite thing about Bubble Bubble here in beaverton is all the fine Asian girls it always seems to attract.
Best night Ive had in a while. Tam and Jenell always make for great socially awkward discussion. At one point at Five guys we just made a huge run of sexually charged jokes building off each other, the next one worse than the last.
I dont get to hang with Tam and Jenell enough. Sean gives me hell for it sometimes since they are older than me but I feel more at home with them then most my other friends. Tam and Jennel just dont care what they say, everything is so fun with them. Heh, jennel tried convincing me to hook up with her 16 year old niece because she also just broke up with her boyfriend. Eh... stephanie is cute but Im not even going to consider stepping there until shes several years older and several years more mature.
Next up tonight? Pick items and wait for charlotte to get online to figure out when Im picking her up.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
A letter to my parents
Hey
So I just thought I should give you guys the heads up.
Charlotte and I broke up. She needs to go and find herself
something she "can only do if she's single". I still love her.
To answer your question mom, yes I did plan on marrying her.
I guess I thought that was evident by her being the first girl friend
I ever introduced to my family.
There's a small chance that she and I could end up back together.
I cant really stop my world for that small chance. I dont really want
to talk about it right now so please respect my request and dont
ask me tons of questions about it right now. Wait until my heart
has healed.
She and I are going to still be friends I suppose. She seems to want
that more than I do but if that doesnt work out either then thats the way
its going to be.
There will most likely be other girls in my future and when I bring one
home to introduce you to know that I love her and there will be no reason
to compare her to Charlotte or Allyson.
Dave
So I just thought I should give you guys the heads up.
Charlotte and I broke up. She needs to go and find herself
something she "can only do if she's single". I still love her.
To answer your question mom, yes I did plan on marrying her.
I guess I thought that was evident by her being the first girl friend
I ever introduced to my family.
There's a small chance that she and I could end up back together.
I cant really stop my world for that small chance. I dont really want
to talk about it right now so please respect my request and dont
ask me tons of questions about it right now. Wait until my heart
has healed.
She and I are going to still be friends I suppose. She seems to want
that more than I do but if that doesnt work out either then thats the way
its going to be.
There will most likely be other girls in my future and when I bring one
home to introduce you to know that I love her and there will be no reason
to compare her to Charlotte or Allyson.
Dave
Friday, August 28, 2009
Single
So Charlotte and I have sort of split up. She is going to be single for a while to better discover herself. We have decided to step it back to just dating, not being actually officially boyfriend/girlfriend. I want to believe that she and I will be back together when she discovers herself but I cant shake the feeling that this is just a slow letdown till she finds herself and goes to someone else. She says that she still loves me, I know I still love her, but Im fighting that numbing feeling. Last night and at the end of our double date today were the first time Ive felt anything from her kiss and "I love you's" in some time. Maybe thats a sign that she's moving back in my direction. Im worried, Im scared, Im trying to be confident, Im trying to be secure in knowing that she and I will be together again, but I cant feel that way when I always feel like she doesnt want things to end up that way. Im sad. Its raining out. I need a distraction.
I want my girl back. < /3
I want my girl back. < /3
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