Star Crossed Man

At night I go to clinton park. Its not too long of a walk. I go there to meditate and train. Tonight I did very little training. I mostly just watched the starlit sky. I must have seen a dozen shooting stars. Starlight starbright. First star I see tonight. I wish I may. I wish I might. Have my wish come true tonight. It never happens though. I could wish on every star in the sky and I would still be alone. Love, it seems has a way of avoiding me.

As I watched the sky I thought to myself. I would give it all up. My foresight, my wisdom, my knowledge, my revelations, my epiphanies, my ability, my strength, my everything. I would give all I am for love. Someone says why would you give up who you are for some woman? I say, "She's not just some woman.". I have known love, but I have always had to fight for it. I have always had to make it happen. Love never comes naturally to me. Yet it is the one thing I need most from this world. I once had a dream, in the dream a boy drew a knife on me and said "I would kill for her love", I looked him in the eyes and said "I would die for her love". She haunts my dreams, yet it seems so too is her love limited to that realm.

I feel that fate has conspired against me. I am a wanderer. I am alone. Growing up in a small private school I was left alone because my family had no money. At home I was alone. My parents emotionless and loveless beings. They showed their love by feeding me and keeping a roof over my head. That alone was their only way of showing love, and reason enough for them to require me to respect them. Growing up I had few or no friends. No love for or from others. But no man is an island. I can not always be a lonely wanderer. I have created friendships on the path I have cut for myself. Friendships I hold most precious. I have experienced true absolute bliss in the loving embrace of another. But that could not last. Fate it seems wanted to take her from me. Again I was alone. I keep fighting on. I called on my friendships for comradery, for companionship on the path we all shared. I had amassed a close circle of adventurers who were cutting their own paths and discovering for themselves where now to go. And just as fate would have it, they are all soon to be leaving. I find myself watching as fun filled faces disappear from around my campfire. Now there is only a few, and I ask myself... "how much longer till they leave? How much longer till I can no longer hear them saying goodbye?"
"How long will I wander before meeting new souls with which to share the experience and path of life?"

How long must I fight fates hand before I can share in loves embrace again? Life made me a lover and a caretaker, but fate has made me a wanderer. All my lives I have been a wanderer. Yet I want nothing more than to stop walking and rest for a while. Ive grown so weary of this fight, of this game. I dont want to travel lonely plains anymore. All I want is to rest and live forever in my dreams where her loves embrace finds open arms and a loving soul. Please... let me sleep and dont wake me up.